Compatibility and Compromise
What price will you pay for compatibility in your relationship? How much of your personality will you wager in your strive to cement this adhesive that’ll hold your relationship together. Of course it’s a given that often times incompatibility is a disease that rears its’ ugly head in most relationships (since there are relationships and well… story books). We have to deal with personality clashes, differences in backgrounds, deeply entrenched methodologies and even varying stances on morals, standards and beliefs. The question of balance though is a difficult one.
Some of us are so ambitious to say “I will accept you as you are” and I question if even I truly understand the depth of that admission, and if we really mean all the unsaid derivations that may be taken from that very simple statement. Does it mean that if someone has habits that royally irk you, you will consistently dish out tolerance on a platter with blind eyed approaches on the side? You learn to ignore, work around and look past the incompatibilities? You become complacent and eternally accepting, an expert conformist and flexible individual? I mean, you did say accept AS you are right. Probably you’re trying to really literally be Christ like… “come just as you are…”
I guess “NO” with eye browsed raised is the appropriate response to all the questions before since it’s easy to realize how someone can completely loose their identity in this mission to honor such an ambiguous admission. As a matter a fact, saying yes to most of those questions reveals something pretty scary. In an effort to not ask the other person to compromise and your aim firmly fixed on compatibility you have compromised much! I guess that’s pretty obvious, but I think it at least sheds some light on this whole business of compatibility and compromise.
Incompatibility can’t be eradicated if only one partner aims at stomping it out. If incompatibility exists, it takes two to tango really. I’ve come to personally believe that this whole business of “accepting people as they are” is a meaningless poetic sentiment if it’s not properly contextualized. Context here is that “nobody’s perfect”. I’m not and neither are you. None of us are. Fearfully and wonderfully made yes, but “be ye therefore perfect” is a divine directive issued to us. Perfection should be a goal. No different inside our relationships! We have to believe that we are not perfect. This takes quite a bit of humility. Knowing and believing are worlds apart. Also, those two are prerequisites for manifestation. As for me, I’m just going to avoid the whole “accepting you as you are” argument from now on. I think the best compromises you can make are changes that make you a better person. Caution’s gotta be exercised to ensure that we’re not just living up to someone’s ideal; that’s just striving to accept ourselves as the person someone wants us to be aka pointlessness defined.
My philosophy is a little less poetic and little more direct… I understand I’m not perfect and I’m looking for someone who is not perfect, knows and acknowledges it, but like me have a collaborative growth approach. Compromise should be a mutual and monitored addition to our personalities… compatibility will come in time.